Thursday, January 28, 2010

Prozac for the ears

Years ago I made up a cd of fun upbeat songs and named it Prozac. I couldn't find every song on the internet so I have an abridged an updated version for you today. Everyone who knows me says I am hyper, happy and fun loving. So, when I need a lift, you know it's gonna be good. I dare you to see how "F"ing great you feel after it. If you're not smiling uncontrollably all day long after this then you don't have a pulse. Give it a try and maybe you'll even find something new to love. All of these songs make you want to dance and sing, but ultimately SMILE uncontrollably. You can't keep yourself from moving and humming until you're out of your seat and on your feet. I have many favorites on here because they are all favorites but I'd have to say I am partial to the Pina Colada song because of it's message most of all and Amber is my signature song. It's quintessentially me.


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Monday, January 25, 2010

Happiness is.................

Happiness has popped up alot lately. I am no expert, however I have walked this earth and lived through 38 years with my own personal trials and tribulations just as you all have. What, I have learned in how to be happy is................

Appreciating what you already have. Appreciate it every day, for you NEVER know when it will be gone and honestly those people involved absolutely need to know that they mean that to you. Never assume anything, especially that they know you love them. Love should never be assumed. Of course repeating "I love you" to your loved ones all the time in that meaningless way doesn't really tell them how much you appreciate them. Nothing speaks louder than actions.

And, one of the most important things a marraige counselor every taught me.............

No one is responsible for your own happiness. We are the only one who can make ourselves happy. Yes, people can make us miserable, but (and here's the most important part) WE ALLOW THEM TO. I think also on this same note one could say, living in reality. Living in reality about who a person is and accepting who they are and loving them knowing they have those things that you don't like. It's golden! We all know you can't change people. Not that people don't change. God willing, we all change. It's called growth, but people have to change themselves.

There's always more to be said but I often go on too long. So this is the short and sweet.

May you all, every one of you, realize that you already have every thing that you will ever need or want. All in yourselves.

What have you learned in Life about Happiness?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I really miss Junket

Have you ever done a search on the internet for something long gone and wound up on a wild goose chase never finding that lost piece of childhood magic. Your favorite candy or game elusive 'til the end and lost in a sea of memories.

Well, not Junket. I found it!! Still being produced since 1874!

I remember as a child. I did find it in the store once sometime in the 90's. This strange dessert from the era of jello molds and jello everything. Junket was just abit different from jello and honestly tasted soooo much better. It was like solidified custardified milk but with the flavors of vanilla and sugar. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I can't wait until my order comes in!!!

Monday, January 18, 2010

A little bit about me

Well as far as about me .....
I love nature and the outdoors and especially water. Seriously. I am a mermaid. Been swimming since I could walk and swimming well since I could run. Love boats. Love baths. I am the female version of the movie Big Fish. You'll have to try really hard to get me out of the ocean. And if you're a lifeguard that's encountered me then god bless ya. I certainly appreciate the job of a lifegaurd so I explain to them first. Have actually had two near drowning expierences in my life and survived mainly because of my swimming abilities. I will be going out very far. If you're ok with that fine if not just whistle and I'll come in closer. My friends think its an attention seeking thing. Its just me wishing I could dive below the surface and never come up. If I have the chance of being in the water with someone else who loves it, then I'm gone. Never coming in til someone comes to fish me out. They usually don't make too much stink because its more than obvious that I belong in the water. I own a water fountain. Love it. I'm extremely auditory and the sounds of water are some of my favs. The rushing sound of waves hitting the shore. The soft trickle of my fountain as the water lands gently on it. The flowing current of a brook or stream. Oh and don't get me started on the different sounds of rain.

Then there's lightening and thunder. As stated above I am very auditory. Love any sound of nature and music the most. All music. Love to read out loud. Just need an audience. Love to be read to. I think in fact its a lost art. Reading aloud can be wonderful. Its a great activity to share. I haven't got around to my video blogging yet but will. Love to sing.

I collect tea cups. Anything beautiful that catches my eye but most of all hand painted oriental. And better than that even, the kind with a lithophane bottom. I'm an avid orchid grower. Their beauty is rare.

Apparently my decor style is missionary as per my Buddy Lori. I would describe my taste as eclectic to say the least. Bizarre even at times and other times simple and naturalistic. Encorporating pieces of nature with modern art ....

I do love to create. Anything. It goes beyond writing. I will write whatever comes to mind. Sometimes my mind won't settle till I get it out. Which is what got me started with blogging. I am still finding my style, but just enjoying it while it is still raw and slowly refining it more and more. I am artistic with paint. Not so much with pencil, but with training as with writing my drawing has always improved. I like inspiration but I honestly love to inspire others. I am a muse. I am also a good supporter.

I have almost crippling ADHD. It's pretty sad. It's alot of work for me to read a book. Never really took to video games. They're fun don't get me wrong but I can't stand wasting my time away in front of a computer or tv or game, especially when there's fun to be had.

Love movies. All kinds really. I often go through stretches of cravings for a certain type.

Love food every kind. Cooking, eating...... I organized a food group on I was a picky eater as a child and now I'll eat anything even try food I don't like.

Who do I resemble in apperance or personality? I often get Juliana Margules or Amy Irving. My grandmother thought I looked like Brooke Shields when I was a little girl. Believe it or not she wasn't senile ;) I think I am closest to Drew Barrymore in personality. Laid back and fun but extremely serious at times. Oh ya and I used to get the daughter from Roseanne too or Carol from Growing Pains.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Know it all's and Always right's

First is the "always right"'s. The worst part of it is how in being right whether or not they are, they make it all about that. Thinking that they are so much better. That if they are right they are superior to you and others and everyone. That lack of respect for you and your thoughts and feelings is what makes them ulimately truly WRONG in the ways that count. Their need to "win" at the cost of your feelings. High stakes. They see everything in terms of win/lose.

Life shouldn't be win/lose. If life becomes win/lose it's no longer about living. I just wonder what their life is like. Are these truly happy people? Or do they constantly find themselves unsatisfied and in search of perfection and absolute "rightness". I couldn't be a truly happy person with that sort of drive or pressure on myself. Basically never able to appreciate what I have in my life, instead always searching for the imperfections and pointing them out as if to say "see, I was right and you were wrong". People who are always right are most often the most wrong. Because to them everything operates for them and if it doesn't then its not working right or working at all.

Walking around and thinking you know everything causes a certain arrogance and blinds you to what life has to offer as a learning experience. They walk around totally closed minded to reality. Honestly too, how well does it work for you when you walk around assuming you're right all the time. You can easily get so cocky that you're more wrong and unwilling to hear the other side at all. Eventually being right becomes an arrogance and leads you into miscommunications and misunderstandings all the time then it turns into a hinderance. I imagine people who walk around thinking or even being right all the time think it puts them ahead of everyone else when in reality the hinderance it causes is worse than any positives you get.

Its like the person who goes to a funeral says to the corpse " I told you to wear your seatbelt". So their last words aren't "I miss you" but rather the last laugh.

Then there's the "know it all"'s. They think they see the other side because they can come back with the quick "well I know what you're gonna say". Paste and copy argument and fit it in here. They even use the same exact words everytime. When you just regurgitate what you've memorized you never even hear what you said. The thing is they never see that point of view, from orinigation to completion. Its as if they memorized it.

They say the best debater is the one who knows how to best argue the other side. Meaning you can take the opposing sides point of view and be better able to make a counter arguement point for point.

Its actually a sign of insecurity if you have to be right all the time and know everything. Seriously think about what insecurity is. Not being comfortable with yourself. So when you get that feeling inside where you think you might be wrong or do the wrong thing you just get all the more defensive because god forbid you be wrong or human. You can't accept yourself and your errors. Being able to accept and love yourself despite your errors is a great thing. How do people live on after an minor driving error leading to a car accident involving a fatality. They must find a way to accept that they were human and made a mistake. Some of them can't and they take their own life instead. Perfect example. I had a patient who fell off a ladder while intoxicated. The man had been drunk for the past 20 years after he left his infant son alone for one minute on Christmas eve and turned around to find him strangulated between the high chair and the kitchen table and he died. The rest of his family appeared to be ok but they had in turn been dealing with his alcoholism for 20 years after along with their own feelings

People think I am not opininated and I have walked around most of my life sort of believing that, but truth is I recently realized that I do actually have opinions. Strong ones in fact but I honestly make an effort to see the other side. Empathy. Once there it looks like I've given in and someone has won their point of view but no. I still believe mine I'm just civil and honestly understand what they are saying. There have in fact been times that I learned something too and changed my opinion.

I will never know enough in this world and will take any opportunity to learn something from every person I meet in Life. Never assume you are right. Learn that you are correct after you've "heard" the entire arguement. May you all be recieved by others in that perspective too.

Friday, January 15, 2010

It's a new season for Project Runway

So, here we are. Season 7 of Project Runway. I started getting into it 3 seasons ago. My close friend Colleen and her daughters watch it when it airs every thursday. We go to her daughters place. The group has slowly grown and I now know even more and more people who watch. My sisiter Lisa, my sister in lawKim and my niece Ali. Colleen runs a pool. This season I took the opportunity to look at the contestants and pick one before all the good ones were taken. I still didn't watch every interview but i got my pick.

Amy Sarabi. She appeared to be different at a quick glance and caught my eye. A brief watch of her interview and the judges were oohing and ahhing over her line and what she actually designed and wore to her interview.

Check out her interview and bio here and you can see some of her cools designs that got her a spot.

So last night was the first episode of the season and Amy did ok. Nothing too "wow" or "seriosuly, what were you thinking?". It's a beautfil chiffon harlegquin print balloon skirt with a chiffon white top. the top had a wierd seashell or flower over one boob that didn't work at all. Had it not been for that she might have been a runner up or honroable mention in judging. We'll have to see what she brings next week. I'll keep ya updated. Ooh and I almost forgot the best part, the show is returnign to New York for this season!!!

Check out the outfit she did for this week here.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Dangers of a Dogpark

The day I posted my blog about Benny, he was bitten at a dogpark. I had already written the blog some time ago and didn't feel I wanted to mention the bite in that blog.

The bite itself occured during play while he was running. The wierd part was the owner of the 4 St. Bernards he was playing with who's one dog bit Benny. She said "He rarely breaks the skin. They always yelp when they get bit. His teeth are all ground down from chewing.". At the time I'll admit I was comforted by the comments because he seemed fine. He kept playing and didn't appear to have broken the skin. I left shortly after because he was drinking muddy water.

That night while petting him in bed, his slobber at that spot felt sticky. Didn't think much of it until late the next day when I realized he did break the skin. The "sticky" I felt was probably blood.

The next morning he was not himself at all. Before calling the vet I figured I'd check his temperature. 103.8!! I wasn't too scared until I realized the whole 20 minutes or so he hadn't moved. He's always the first one up out of bed, or second one depending on the cat. So with coat on keys and leash in hand I approached him lying in bed and had to coax him along. He moved soooooo slow and weakly, he urinated right where he was walking on the concrete outside instead of attempting to reach the grass. After that he stopped competely and I had to carry all 60 pounds of his limp body.

At the vet I relayed the story and the fact that he had been drinking mud water there too. We shaved his hair around the wound and investigated further to find that the lower tooth marks that I couldn't find were far under his chest with a large pool of blood collected under the skin. The lower bite mark had not broken the skin but caused a pocket for the pus from above to drain into and mix with the blood causing a seroma. They took him back to open both wounds, clean them out and place a drain. It was so hard to say goodbye seeing him like that, but it did help that I really love my vet and all the personel there.

When I picked him up he was so drugged and sick that he was just as weak as before. When I got him home he began having diarrhea instantly and woudln't go inside. There he stood in the 16* winter weather stubborn every time I tugged to go in. Every step I made away from home he relaxed and would squat to have more watery stool. My poor baby would rather freeze outside weak, dehydrated and sick than go in and risk an accident on the floor. After about 35 minutes I forced him and he laid right there. I picked him up and placed him in his dog bed where he laid for the next 9 hours, 6 of which he was lifeless other than his breathing. As he slowly came around I to hand fed him boiled chicken and rice while spooning water into his mouth in between.

Thankfully the next morning he was more like himself again. Perky and playful.

The vet said "dogparks keep us in business". Be aware of the risks that a dogpark holds. Dogs may not even be fighting and get seriously injured because another dog is not dogpark appropriate. The force in pounds of pressure behind the bite of a St. Bernard due to their size alone is enough to cause a bad injury when they are just playing. My dogpark has a second fenced area for dogs 25# and under, but what about dogs 100# and up? The average St. Bernard is 120-170 #. They also said because Benny is a big runner his skin will be more taught if bitten while running and then pulled away from his body. Needless to say I will be tracking down the dog owner for the bill. I'm just glad he is doing well :)

Thursday, January 7, 2010



I've looked long and hard. I went to yet another shelter. There in the very last kennel in the back was Benny with his roomie Amber. Benny had this playful look with his ears perched up and the tips dangling over and he gave me that little feeling of excitement inside my gut when I saw him. Benny and Amber had grown up together for their first few months of life and for an unknown reason were taken to a rescue with 16 other dogs in one house. That didn't work out and Benny has the scar on his nose to prove it.

Amber was all about attention, knocking Benny away. It's no wonder not one person asked about him for those 5 weeks he was there, but I have the amazing ability to recognize a diamond in the rough. He was very shy and it was his first time meeting anyone other than the staff. He looked back at Amber the whole time they led him down the hall to sit with me and the whole time he was there. They told me they take a minimum of 5 applications before approving a home. So I was shocked when they called me the next day.

I was totally unprepared, nervous and excited all in one. I had to lift him into the backseat, but he goes right in now. He puked on that ride about 5 times. I forgot to mention not to feed him before the ride. Lol. Poor guy was so nervous himself. I made a few stops, the first of which was my sister. Over the next couple of days I dragged him everywhere. He needs socialization with other dogs and people, but mostly people. My dad says he reacts like he was mistreated. I didn't really see it because he quiclky warmed up to me, but he's not really warmed to my dad yet. He follows me everywhere all the time. No one believes it's only been a month because he is so attached to me. It's just love and appreciation.

House training was apparently not his best skill, but that was quickly resolved. In fact he toilets on command :) Very helpful in the cold winter snowy months. He's quite the mutt too. No one can all agree but the concensus is collie, greyhound, german shepherd, pit bull, and rodesian ridgeback. The Vet seems to think his age is accurate ,12 months old, but I'm not so sure. His ears stand all the way up sometimes which if there's any german shepherd means that he's under a year. I think he's grown more and his paws are HUGE. He's a puppy still for sure.

I decided to let him sleep in bed. I made the mistake of showing him the couch but after a day I changed my mind on that and was able to stop it from being a habit. He plays at the dog park like a little kid. He loves to run, which is an extra plus for me. I could always use a running partner. He walks directly at my side instead of pulling on the leash. He's very submissive with other dogs, but he growls at anyone outside my door. I'm pretty sure he's got my back although the other day he was on my back when he was feeling out another dog. My hero ;) Here mommy you save me form the big bad doggie.

He gets along like old friends with my kitty Nala. They practically make out. She likes his face and then when she's done she goes off and Benny follows for more but she just hisses at him at for a minute and he goes off to chew his bone or hide my shoe.

Loving him more and more every day.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Polar Bear

I rang in the New Year with something I making a new tradition for myself.

Jumping in the ocean on New Year's day. The Atlanitic Ocean in New Jersy in January is 40*. It was exhilarating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like to think of it as a baptism into the new year and washing away the last year.

It was the middle of the night. One of my favorite places is the beach and night. The air was cool but not terribly cold. I stripped off all my clothes ran to the water and went right in. Now of course I wasn't going in deep but I did go under.
Of course for bizarre drama reasons I wound up there at 3 am instead of during the day with a big group of other Polar Bears. No one I was with would go in, not that I was surprised, but they were when I got back with a wet head.

People who know me well, know that I am not all talk. Honestly, when I achieve something I really want, it just feels so damn good and I don't ever want to be on my death bed at a young age and think "I never did this.... or that.... always wished I had....". My risks are definitely calculated and escpecially because of my affection toward irresponsibility but not overcalculated where the fun is lost. Basically I take a point of view in Life that when an unusual situation or hell any opportunity arises, I take it. Happy Nude Rears!!!

What I Wanted For Christmas

You can't hold it up and stare at its beauty glistening in the light. You can't bring it in close to your nose and enjoy its aroma. You can't brush it gently across your skin to delight in its soft pleasure. You can't read or watch its contents and giggle or cry along with the story. There's no label to wear proudly and no fine establishment to cash it in at.

My Christmas wish was for an apology and a long ago promise fulfilled. It never happened. I knew it wouldn't but I still wanted it and hoped. Some people in this world are more quick to make empty promises and put themselves first. They would rather live their life for themselves and think nothing of the pain they cause others.