Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Mom and Dad

Last night I woke up late in the middle of the night. I lay wide awake from 4:30 until close to 6:00.

One of the reasons I started blogging is to quiet my mind. I used to write all the time when I was younger. It never became polished or mature. I'm not sure when I got away from it.

I laid in bed awake becoming increasingly more and more stressed as I worried, which led me to be more and more awake. I should have gotten out of bed to write. It often helps, but I didn't.

I couldn't help but keep thinking about my parents but mostly my mom. Yes, my mom. My dad is trudging along with his recovery after 3 weeks of hospitalization. However being hours away from them, I really don't know how well he is doing until I see it with my own eyes. I did however hear how mean he was being to my mom when I stopped there over a week ago.

I love my parents. I love my father but he has many downfalls as we all do. He can be a real grouch when he's miserable and he's down right miserable right now.

It's taking a toll on my mom. I know it is. I've seen it. We've all discussed it. I told my dad that he is being mean, in case he was unaware of it.

I just hung up the phone after talking to my mom in the hospital. She had a TIA today. A TIA in a mini sroke or forewarning to a stroke. Basically the symptoms resolve quickly. She looks healthier than my dad but looks are often decieving. She's the one I worry about the most. She's no where near as resilient as my father and she has the high blood pressure and Diabetes. When this whole thing started with him, I was honestly more worried about her. Being alone, would she wear her life alert button like she swears she will? Is she feeling well? Are you eating and sleeping ok?

I know TIA's aren't so bad, thank god, but it's what you do afterward that counts and honestly your risks for a stroke increase greatly and her risks are already very high. On top of it all, we just had a patient with a TIA who developed into a massive stroke. So not all TIA's are minor.

I know they will die someday. I think about that. I see death and suffering and illness everyday. Being exposed to that on a daily basis makes you have to detach somewhat from emotion. You can't think about the people in that ICU bed as a mother or father. That can make it hard to handle when it happens close to you. I know that their days are numbered just as much as my own. It's why I say live life to it's fullest every day and appreciate those in your Life. We don't know when our time is going to be up.


  1. I'm so glad you have siblings close enough to keep an eye on your folks and help them out as needed, but I understand your anxiety at being unable to see them as frequently as you'd like. I hope they both get through this rough spot and have many more years of independent living ahead of them.

  2. I can completely relate to this post though I am in different circumstances. My dad died suddenly when I was 15 and I'm an only child with my mum not in the best of health currently. I have always made sure though that I live life to the full. You only get one shot to do it.

    Wishing you all the very best and a happy holiday period. x

  3. My prayers are with you and your parents--that situation is difficult.

    My mother passed away many years ago and my father lives many states away. Trying to make each day count as if it was the last is a wise strategy.