Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Mom and Dad
Last night I woke up late in the middle of the night. I lay wide awake from 4:30 until close to 6:00.
One of the reasons I started blogging is to quiet my mind. I used to write all the time when I was younger. It never became polished or mature. I'm not sure when I got away from it.
I laid in bed awake becoming increasingly more and more stressed as I worried, which led me to be more and more awake. I should have gotten out of bed to write. It often helps, but I didn't.
I couldn't help but keep thinking about my parents but mostly my mom. Yes, my mom. My dad is trudging along with his recovery after 3 weeks of hospitalization. However being hours away from them, I really don't know how well he is doing until I see it with my own eyes. I did however hear how mean he was being to my mom when I stopped there over a week ago.
I love my parents. I love my father but he has many downfalls as we all do. He can be a real grouch when he's miserable and he's down right miserable right now.
It's taking a toll on my mom. I know it is. I've seen it. We've all discussed it. I told my dad that he is being mean, in case he was unaware of it.
I just hung up the phone after talking to my mom in the hospital. She had a TIA today. A TIA in a mini sroke or forewarning to a stroke. Basically the symptoms resolve quickly. She looks healthier than my dad but looks are often decieving. She's the one I worry about the most. She's no where near as resilient as my father and she has the high blood pressure and Diabetes. When this whole thing started with him, I was honestly more worried about her. Being alone, would she wear her life alert button like she swears she will? Is she feeling well? Are you eating and sleeping ok?
I know TIA's aren't so bad, thank god, but it's what you do afterward that counts and honestly your risks for a stroke increase greatly and her risks are already very high. On top of it all, we just had a patient with a TIA who developed into a massive stroke. So not all TIA's are minor.
I know they will die someday. I think about that. I see death and suffering and illness everyday. Being exposed to that on a daily basis makes you have to detach somewhat from emotion. You can't think about the people in that ICU bed as a mother or father. That can make it hard to handle when it happens close to you. I know that their days are numbered just as much as my own. It's why I say live life to it's fullest every day and appreciate those in your Life. We don't know when our time is going to be up.